Dimentional Gaurdian Force Season 2
Part Three: Shane McInnis, Dimentional 007
By: W. Bob Yankovic
You know, since Ray and I are the only ones that are mentioned in this fic, except for Exar Kun, I don't think that I am gonna right a disclaimer. I might ramble on insainly about not giving a large Albanian woman's butt about being sued, but I won't write a disclaimer. So enjoy the fic.
"I always get stuck doing the dirty work while Ray runs around playing scout," I grumbled as I walked around the room, "he always gets the cooshy jobs." I was just about to totally pass out because of all the trivial data I had sifted through. You would never guess that the Destroyers kept up with every tiny miniscule petty detail. It took me an hour just to go over the details of the shoe sizes of the whole enlistment. I was DEEP in Destroyer controled space in Earth Zeta, Cloud's home dimention. I had passed myself off as a computer specialist from some backwater dimention with my newly found powers. It felt really strange to shift your DNA around inside you. I surely wouldn't do this again unless I had to. I scrolled along throught some files about the Maw Instillation and slowed down to read them. And there to my own utter horror were the plans for a plan so vile that only one person could have even thought of. I downloaded the data onto one of my disks I had and shut the computer down. This was bad, really bad.
I sped down a corridor towards my room. I turned a corner and almost ran over my commanding officer. "Slow down there Oroth," he scolded, "why are you running throught the halls two hours after lights out?" "Uh..I had to use the bathroom," I lied. "We have been monitering someone hacking into the main computer. That person wouldn't be you know, would it?" he implied. "No sir, wasn't me," I said putting on my poker face, "besides, I don't even know the acsess codes so all I might be able to do is change my lunch time around." "So you had nothing at all to do with the hacking?" he said, "because we have only seen this type of skill in one individual, and if you have his skill you could be a very seriouse threat." I knew who he was talking about but I felt like a little self-glorification so I asked, "Who is that individual?" "Only the best hacker that we have ever had, I am surprised that you didn't draw a conclusion and assume that that individual was Shane McInnis. He was the one who came up with the designs for the Sun Crusher. Then he defected to the Gaurdians and helped kill Exar Kun. But he and his friends must have botched the job," he said. If only I could ask him flat out how Exar was alive, but that would throw me cover out and I would be fired probably. "Well since they can't get into their home, they might as well be dead," I said. "Never discredit Doss and McInnis, they always seem to have an ace up their sleeve," he shot back, "now get back to your bunk."
"I have got to get back into that computer," I said to myself. It had been a day and a half and no one had even thought of the hack in anymore. I figured that the program I had placed in the main frame to make it look like an internal systems scan had thrown them off my trail. I looked down at my datapad at the document that I had copied. It consisted of several steps or waves that had been designed by Exar Kun to totally wipe out the DGF. The first two had already taken place, the recapture of NCC, and the Vortex sheild put up around it. The next step was not going to happen no matter how long they tried. They planned to break into the Vault and take all of the rings and such out of it. That would increase their number by about 3 thousand and give them an even more formidable force. But as I said, that would never happen. The document went on to tell how they planned to go to every single dimention and steal all their technology sending the dimention back to the Stone Age. And that would further make them the highest power in the universe. I had to do something, and I couldn't do anything where I was. It was time to move.
I rode along in my Dune Buggy across the Haunted Wastelands. I had gone over to the home dimention of a young man that had proven himself a hero in his home land. I believe his name is Link. I was gonna need his help for the first leg of my path to taking down the Destroyer's plan. I found him in a deep forest surrounded by a strong magical barrier. As I walked into his house, a tree, I saw him standing there. He was a guy of around my age. He wore a green tunic, a polished sliver sheild, a very long sword, some golden gauntlets and an assortment of smaller weapons. But what intrigued me the most was the belt he wore, it was a leather belt that held six coins of different colors. "Welcome," he said to me. "Hi," I said back to him. "I have been told of your coming by the Deku Tree," he said. "Then you know why I am here?" I asked. "No, I was just told that a man from an outside world would come to visit me," he replied. "I am here to ask you for your help. I am from a group called the Dimentional Gaurdian Force, I am here to enlist you," I said. "I was told that I was supposed to help the man in any way I could so I am going to say yes to your proposition, as soon as you tell me what it is," he answered. "I need you to help me break a library," I said. "Just break into a library? That sounds easy enough," he said. "This is a very high security library, it won't be easy," I told him. "I have beaten phantoms, dragons, witches, and giant pig beasts, I can surely take down a library," he said, his voice full of cockyness. "Just come on, you'll see all to soon," I said.
"Jump in!" I screamed. "I am not jumping into that hole!" Link screamed back at me. "Jump in the &@#% hole you elf. And make it snappy, we don't have much time to screw around with," I screamed. "NO!" he said quite insistantly. "Fine," I said. I grabbed him by the neck and tossed him through the portal. I stepped in after him and popped out in another dimention of Earth, this one I think was Earth Beta or something like that. "Now come on," I told Link, "time to eat." We sat down and I opened a ration packet from my backpack. I tossed him a few ration bars and I took a few for myself. "Eat up elf-boy," I said. That is when I gasped in utter horror as a small pink ball flew out of his pouch. "Navi, get back in here," Link said. "Hello!" the ball said. "OHHHHHH NOOOOO!" I screamed. I opened a portal and drop kicked the ball through it. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Link jumped up and ran over to me. He gave me a big hug and was about to kiss me before I picked him up and tossed him away. "That little fairy has irritated me for the longest time," he said extatically. "Uh, I thought it was a ball of talking PeptoBismol, but your welcome none the less," I answered.
We were finishing up dinner when I pulled out my half-hourly chocolate bar. "Hey, is that chocolate?" Link asked. "Yeah, and it is mine," I said defencivly. "Can I have some?" he asked. "Let me think about it, NO!" I answered. "Come on, just a little," he pleaded. "Absolutly not," I said. He pulled out some type of little thingy with a pointed end and shot it out and grabbed my chocolate bar. "Wanna loose an ear elf-boy?" I shouted. He just smiled and opened the wrapper. "I am not playing with you," I warned. He lifted the bar to his mouth. "That's it," I said. I stood up and began my morphing sequence. He stopped long enough to gawk at my transformation, then he ran off screaming. "Thought that would do it," I said. I looked down at my brown fur covered body and said, "Come on Link, don't you want to give me a hug?" I laughed and turned back.
The next morning we went to a city in the mountains. There we looked for a man named Locke. I had heard that he was a really good thief, so I figured that he could help. We found him in a small cabin. "You want me to help you two break into a library? That sounds fine to me, when do we leave?" he asked after I had explained our situation. "We leave right now," I answered him. I opened a portal to Star Wars Alpha, tossed Link through again, waited for Locke to enter, then stepped through myself.
We popped up on the planet Coruscant. "Come this way," I said. I lead them down to the depths of the city. I stepped into a large room and flicked the lights on. There before us was my personal armada, one squadron of H-wing bombers. I had hidden them from Kun before I blew his ships up. "Hop in guys," I said, "Link I will send you my personal computer program I used to train new comers." "Thanks," he said. We flew through the planet and out into space. I opened a large enough portal to fly the H-wing through and waited. "Computer, fly through the portal," I said. Then Link's ship shot out through the portal and all I heard was Kokiri curse words filing through Link's comm.
"Here we are," I said as I hopped out of my H-wing, "Third-Earth, the home of the ThunderCats." "Who are what are Thundercats?" Locke asked. "A very evolved race of warrior cats," I answered. "Oh, great," Link said, "alot of furballs running around with bows." "Shutup and come on," I said. We walked over mountians and through swamps and crossed rivers untill we came to a very large cave. "This is it," I said looking down at my computer. Locke sat down and panting he said, "Tell me again why we couldn't fly." "Because if we did we might have missed the cave," I said. "Ok, just checking," he said. I stared up at the large stone monoliths that stood at the entrance to the cave. They were two large warriors holding swords and sheilds. "I guess we need to work on the door," Link said. "Yeah," I replied. We walked over to the large stone doors. I tapped them with my knuckles, "About three meters thick," I said. "No problem," Link said, "step back." Locke and I took a step or two back while Link dug through his pack. "Here is what we need," he said. He pulled a bomb out and lit it. "Uh, run," he said. He and Locke dove for cover. I took a position standing behind one of the staues. Then BOOM! "There went that door," Link said. "Not quite buster," I said and pointed at the door, "not even a scratch." He stood in complite silence and just stared at the door. "Let me try," Locke said. He stood in front of the door and started chanting. "Ultima!" he yelled. A huge purple blast flew forth from his hands. The door didn't even budge. "My turn," I said. I ignited my lightsaber and sliced a clean hole large enough to walk through in the door. "Why didn't you do that to begin with?" Link asked. "I wanted to see if you two could go through it," I answered.
We walked down a few steps and then into a long hallway. I stopped and looked around, "Computer, scan for traps." 'No traps indicated,' my computer spat out. "Ok, so we have smooth sailing," Locke said. He started forward and something didn't feel right. "Stop," I said. "What?" he asked. "Link, you go first, and use that protective magic you have," I said. "Can do boss," he said. He pulled out a small charm, said something and then made a blue ball of protective energy. He put it around himself and walked down the hall. "Nothing so far," he said. Then he took a step and a huge ball of black energy shot down the hall. Link was thrown back, and behind us the door healed itself. "What the?" Locke asked. "I have no idea," I answered. "That blast could have come from only one person," Link said, "and that person is locked away in the Sacred Realm." Then a tall figure stepped out into the hall. It was a man with flaming red hair, dark, almost green skin, and wearing totally black clothing. "GANNON!" Link screamed. "No wait," I said. But it was too late, Link drew his sword and charged the man. He struck him deep in the chest. Metal screached and sparks flew as Link slashed again and again. The man dropped down and the hologram shut off to reveal a robotic figure. "What is it?" Locke asked. "It is a robot that reads your brain waves and brings out your worst fear," I answered. Locke decided that he would go next. He stepped forward and we heard a maniacle laugh. "Kefka," he said. He pulled out some type or sheild and said that it would protect him. He stepped forward and just as with Link a large blast filled the hall. He blocked it and started to chant again. "ULTIMA!" he screamed again. The room was illuminated with the semifamilliar purple blast and the robot fell. "These things aren't made very well," Link said. "Appearantly not," Locke added. "My turn again huh?" I asked rhetorically. I walked out and knew what was coming. I just went ahead and charged up a blast and shot it down the hall, but nothing crunched or shreaked or anything. "Oh well," I said, "come on guys."
We walked down the hall and around a few corners and came to another big door. "Wanna use your lightsaber on this one from the start?" Link asked. I replied by cutting another large hole in the door, at least I tried to. I stabbed my lightsaber through it, began to cut and then my lightsaber jakked out of my hands and through the door. "What in the heck?" I said. "What?" Locke asked. "Something sucked my lightsaber through the door," I replied. I looked through the cut I had made and saw my lightsaber lieing on the ground a few meters out. I closed my eyes and focused on it and bringing it over to me. I peeked out one eye long enough to see the handle move about a micron. "Crap, I never could do that," I said. "Let me try something," Link said. "Not another bomb," Locke said sarcastically. "No, just step back," he replied with a little shove. Link pulled out his bow and said something like "mice burrow" and a blue aura surrounded the arrow. He shot it and when it hit ice spread all over thr door. He then went up and touched it. "Frozen solid," he said, "now watch this." He pulled out another charm, this one a fiery red shade and screamed "Din's Fire!" A fireball shot out of his hands and a flame hemisphere engulfed him. The flame spread out and instantly mealted all of the ice on the door. To my surprise it shattered, the hole door. "There, that good enough?" he asked with a little smirk on his face. "I'd say so," I replied. We stepped through the door and into a really really really big room full of rows and rows of shelves lined with boxes of datacards. "Woah," Locke said. "Ditto," I commented.
We stood in awe for a few moments untill something broke the silence. A full size hologram of Ulic Qel-Droma stood in the center of the room on a huge crest of the Destroyers. "Welcome," the hologram said, "this is the Library of the Highest order of Destroyers. I commend you on your ability to work your way through the gaurdian robots and doors. You have proven yourself worthy to gain the full knowledge of the Destroyers. All I request of you is that you handle one last obstacle," with that said the shelves in the middle of the room slid on conveyer belts to the side of the room. The ground began to shake as the crest split in the middle and each side slid back. Then up from the hole came a giant robot in the shape of a griffen. "If you can live to tell the tale of this battle, you will be worthy of the knowledge stored in this room," the hologram said. "We are so dead," Link said. "